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A day in the sun
Sep. 4th, 2014 07:47 amMy favorite summer memory this year? Simple. During vacation in July, the time I spent with Alex.
Alex, as many of you know, is the child of my high school friend Pauline. He came into this world as an Amber, and about three years ago started transitioning into being a man. Alex has always had a special place in my heart, and in fact, the main character in my novel Pictures of You is partially based on his life and some of his experiences.
During summer vacation, Alex, who always works far too hard, was able to find time to go with us to one of our outings. I suspected that one he was able to find time for wasn't by accident: he didn’t choose an amusement park or a day at the beach house. Alex said he could go with us to a water park.
The choice was significant. It was the first time he would be appearing in public without a shirt.
I know this, because at one point his mom was supposed to be going with us, and that caused Alex great anxiety. He texted me about it, because Alex always texts, never calls: big long flowing texts just spilling over with words.
"It's hard enough doing what I'm doing, but to do it with mom around, is going to be really really hard," he wrote.
"But your mom went with you to Florida to have the surgery," I pointed out.
Alex, as many of you know, is the child of my high school friend Pauline. He came into this world as an Amber, and about three years ago started transitioning into being a man. Alex has always had a special place in my heart, and in fact, the main character in my novel Pictures of You is partially based on his life and some of his experiences.
During summer vacation, Alex, who always works far too hard, was able to find time to go with us to one of our outings. I suspected that one he was able to find time for wasn't by accident: he didn’t choose an amusement park or a day at the beach house. Alex said he could go with us to a water park.
The choice was significant. It was the first time he would be appearing in public without a shirt.
I know this, because at one point his mom was supposed to be going with us, and that caused Alex great anxiety. He texted me about it, because Alex always texts, never calls: big long flowing texts just spilling over with words.
"It's hard enough doing what I'm doing, but to do it with mom around, is going to be really really hard," he wrote.
"But your mom went with you to Florida to have the surgery," I pointed out.
"It will just be harder. For her, too."
“I can always ask her not to go.”
“No. I might as well as get that over with, too.”
“I can always ask her not to go.”
“No. I might as well as get that over with, too.”
In other words, this was designed to be a huge “rip the band aid” moment. Pardon the pun.
Pauline ended up having an emergency gall bladder operation. She didn’t go. So like her to have a life-threatening incident just to avoid a possibly uncomfortable moment.
But back to the moment. I have to admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect, because frankly, I had no idea what was missing. Alex had never exactly been flamboyant as a girl. He hid his body most of the time, underneath bulky sweatshirts, to hide any breasts that may have existed. Since he weighed all of 100 pounds soaking wet, he had always looked more like a skinny teenage boy, more than anything.
He’s put on some weight, since then. The hormones he’s taking have deepened his voice.
And then, the big reveal.
I have to admit, I was taken aback when we arrived at the water park and Alex threw off his shirt to reveal a ton of body hair. I wasn’t expecting that.
I didn’t just stand there and stare, of course. I played it cool. But of course, I was curious.
His chest looked like any other man’s, save for two prominent scars located horizontally underneath each nipple. Or were they prominent? Would I have noticed them if I didn’t know to look for them? Would I have known what they were, had I just seen them randomly? I’m not sure. Certainly no one else in the water park seemed to pay any notice. Alex went through the entire day shirtless, without raising any notice whatsoever.
My favorite ride at any water park is the Lazy River. Every water park has one, right? A place where you just sit in a water tube and travel leisurely around in circles, propelled by the current? I could stay on it all day. Oh sure, the park tries to spice things up by adding an occasional waterfall here and there, and I really wish they wouldn’t. I want smooth sailing, me and the tube basking in the glow of the sun.
This year, all of us clung to one another as we went around and around in circles: me and Corb and Ashes and Alex, and sometimes, my brother Tommy and his son Jack. We must have spent at least an hour on the ride. No chutes. No large tubes. No waiting in line. Just circles and smooth sailing.
Alex stayed by my side much of the time. Back arched, feet up, head facing the sun. And as we were going around for what must have been the hundredth time, he said to me, “You don’t know what it’s like.”
“What?”
“I’ve waited for years to do this. To be swimming like this and feel the sun on my chest. You don’t know how great it feels.”
I searched for the right thing to say. “It must have been hard."
Alex nodded. "I had to keep my whole body hidden for years. I could never do anything like this."
I pushed a little farther. "It must make you feel complete.”
I had pushed too far. Alex frowned. “Well. Almost.” Then he arched his back, pushed off from my float, and went to see what Ashes was up to.
I guess that "almost" is an adventure for another day.
Anyway, I think my boy enjoyed his day in the sun. Finally. I know I was grateful to be a part of it.
Pauline ended up having an emergency gall bladder operation. She didn’t go. So like her to have a life-threatening incident just to avoid a possibly uncomfortable moment.
But back to the moment. I have to admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect, because frankly, I had no idea what was missing. Alex had never exactly been flamboyant as a girl. He hid his body most of the time, underneath bulky sweatshirts, to hide any breasts that may have existed. Since he weighed all of 100 pounds soaking wet, he had always looked more like a skinny teenage boy, more than anything.
He’s put on some weight, since then. The hormones he’s taking have deepened his voice.
And then, the big reveal.
I have to admit, I was taken aback when we arrived at the water park and Alex threw off his shirt to reveal a ton of body hair. I wasn’t expecting that.
I didn’t just stand there and stare, of course. I played it cool. But of course, I was curious.
His chest looked like any other man’s, save for two prominent scars located horizontally underneath each nipple. Or were they prominent? Would I have noticed them if I didn’t know to look for them? Would I have known what they were, had I just seen them randomly? I’m not sure. Certainly no one else in the water park seemed to pay any notice. Alex went through the entire day shirtless, without raising any notice whatsoever.
My favorite ride at any water park is the Lazy River. Every water park has one, right? A place where you just sit in a water tube and travel leisurely around in circles, propelled by the current? I could stay on it all day. Oh sure, the park tries to spice things up by adding an occasional waterfall here and there, and I really wish they wouldn’t. I want smooth sailing, me and the tube basking in the glow of the sun.
This year, all of us clung to one another as we went around and around in circles: me and Corb and Ashes and Alex, and sometimes, my brother Tommy and his son Jack. We must have spent at least an hour on the ride. No chutes. No large tubes. No waiting in line. Just circles and smooth sailing.
Alex stayed by my side much of the time. Back arched, feet up, head facing the sun. And as we were going around for what must have been the hundredth time, he said to me, “You don’t know what it’s like.”
“What?”
“I’ve waited for years to do this. To be swimming like this and feel the sun on my chest. You don’t know how great it feels.”
I searched for the right thing to say. “It must have been hard."
Alex nodded. "I had to keep my whole body hidden for years. I could never do anything like this."
I pushed a little farther. "It must make you feel complete.”
I had pushed too far. Alex frowned. “Well. Almost.” Then he arched his back, pushed off from my float, and went to see what Ashes was up to.
I guess that "almost" is an adventure for another day.
Anyway, I think my boy enjoyed his day in the sun. Finally. I know I was grateful to be a part of it.
