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Oct. 25th, 2004 12:25 amI've been building a mental scorecard these past few days, an inventory self-measurement thingy that's sort of been taking shape, bit by bit, thought by thought, as I've been out there, doing stuff. I've been trying to take a look at my life right now, and sort out where things are going right--and where things could be going better. I think it's easier to do this sort of thing when you're actually fairly content, because when you're down, it's really hard to sort anything out at all. In any event, I've been trying to sort out where I'm going on all sorts of levels, and it's going to take a bit more thought. The list below is really just a start.
HEALTH--In some ways, I'm way better than I was six months ago. The ribs have healed, and the vision problems that I was having a few months ago have pretty much gone away with the new contacts. However, I'm not in the shape I was before I moved out of the house. On the exercise front, I haven't kept up with my sit ups or running (I was doing 100 a day, and running at night). I have gotten in some sit ups, lately, and always feel better when I do that. But I refuse to get back to where I was at 30, when I was hitting the mid 170s. That's way too heavy for me. Nutritionally, too, I'm not eating as well as I should, partly fueled by my desire to give the kids what they want, rather than what they (and I) need. Plus, Corb and I love our restaurants. We should try to cut down, particularly with the upcoming move. However, to be fair, I do try not to pig out too much, and I haven't had much to drink in months.
Bottom Line: C-plus
HAPPINESS: I don't need to go into this much, because I have a lot, and everyone knows where I stand (and besides, given Josie's current situation, I really think it would be in poor taste.) I am very grateful for what has come into my life this year (it'll be six months on the 15th!) My journal probably is not half as exciting (and anyone who had access to ted_n_bed knows how interesting it could get), but I'll take what I have over what I was getting any day of the week. However, I will say that I need to get the Josie situation sorted out, because we have yet to move forward on finalizing our divorce...and that needs to happen, for us to achieve finality.
Bottom line: B-plus (once the divorce moves forward I'll give myself an A here)
FAMILY: In a state of flux. This past year has proven that I'm a good dad, and the kids are devoted to me...and I to them. Josie and I still have our Sunday dinners, and still talk a lot, and I'm keeping in touch with Mom and Dad and Tommy and Kerrie more than ever. However, I feel guilty about Nana and the Laurie thing was an abysmal failure earlier this year. Plus, I'm adding on a new family, with Corb's family--and so far, that's been great.
Bottom line: B (I give myself big points for the kids and Josie, but take away stuff for Nana and Laurie)
FRIENDS: Not sure about this. I'm not certain if this year has made me a better friend or worse. It's certainly changed my friend's list. Some of this has been that there are those who accept me, and those that don't, and I just don't want to bother wasting my time on the latter. But am I truly listening to those friends that I care about? Am I getting less self-centered? I worry about that.
Bottom line: C plus. I think I could still improve here.
SELF-SUFFICIENCY: I give myself high marks here. I'm way better than I used to be, and I've come a long way from being told by Nana that "men don't need to worry about things like cleaning laundry. Nowadays, I cook, I keep a clean house, I take care of the kids very well, my desk space at work and home is much better. I'm great with keeping track of my finances and budgeting. My car's a bit of a mess...as a result, I'll give myself an A-minus.
FINANCES: Things are getting better. I've managed to get on a credit plan and the upcoming move will be helpful. But I'm still paying out more than I'm taking in, paying a mortage and rent at the same time. Plus, the divorce unresolved leaves my financial future still up in the air.
Bottom line: D plus (up from six months ago)
CAREER: At work, things are better than ever. I'm traveling, being used for good writing assignments, taking on new challenges, and no longer have to deal with Evil Anne, so I like everyone I work with. So I'd give myself an A there.
But on the more creative front, I'd say it's a mixed bag. Finances have forced me to do more directing for theater, and that took away my focus on marketing my novels. But truthfully, it's bigger than that: it's that, plus the move, plus the adjustment, plus the falling in love. I have made strides these past few months--purchasing a good computer has improved my work space at home immeasureably, and I really think posting Late Night has been a good idea (because I'm really grateful for all the support I've gotten, which is really motivating me), and I have gotten back to writing on a consistent basis. However, I still think I should be taking a look at what my writing habits consist of: am I spending most of my time advancing my career? Should I be cutting down on posting on Live Journal? Where is my focus, and what is taking away from that focus?
Bottom line on this aspect: D. I really need to improve my focus in this area.
SPIRITUALITY: Ah, I give myself low marks on the religion thing, but higher marks than ever before on helping my community. I like the work I've been doing with the Mediation Center and want to do more of it.
Bottom Line: B minus.
HEALTH--In some ways, I'm way better than I was six months ago. The ribs have healed, and the vision problems that I was having a few months ago have pretty much gone away with the new contacts. However, I'm not in the shape I was before I moved out of the house. On the exercise front, I haven't kept up with my sit ups or running (I was doing 100 a day, and running at night). I have gotten in some sit ups, lately, and always feel better when I do that. But I refuse to get back to where I was at 30, when I was hitting the mid 170s. That's way too heavy for me. Nutritionally, too, I'm not eating as well as I should, partly fueled by my desire to give the kids what they want, rather than what they (and I) need. Plus, Corb and I love our restaurants. We should try to cut down, particularly with the upcoming move. However, to be fair, I do try not to pig out too much, and I haven't had much to drink in months.
Bottom Line: C-plus
HAPPINESS: I don't need to go into this much, because I have a lot, and everyone knows where I stand (and besides, given Josie's current situation, I really think it would be in poor taste.) I am very grateful for what has come into my life this year (it'll be six months on the 15th!) My journal probably is not half as exciting (and anyone who had access to ted_n_bed knows how interesting it could get), but I'll take what I have over what I was getting any day of the week. However, I will say that I need to get the Josie situation sorted out, because we have yet to move forward on finalizing our divorce...and that needs to happen, for us to achieve finality.
Bottom line: B-plus (once the divorce moves forward I'll give myself an A here)
FAMILY: In a state of flux. This past year has proven that I'm a good dad, and the kids are devoted to me...and I to them. Josie and I still have our Sunday dinners, and still talk a lot, and I'm keeping in touch with Mom and Dad and Tommy and Kerrie more than ever. However, I feel guilty about Nana and the Laurie thing was an abysmal failure earlier this year. Plus, I'm adding on a new family, with Corb's family--and so far, that's been great.
Bottom line: B (I give myself big points for the kids and Josie, but take away stuff for Nana and Laurie)
FRIENDS: Not sure about this. I'm not certain if this year has made me a better friend or worse. It's certainly changed my friend's list. Some of this has been that there are those who accept me, and those that don't, and I just don't want to bother wasting my time on the latter. But am I truly listening to those friends that I care about? Am I getting less self-centered? I worry about that.
Bottom line: C plus. I think I could still improve here.
SELF-SUFFICIENCY: I give myself high marks here. I'm way better than I used to be, and I've come a long way from being told by Nana that "men don't need to worry about things like cleaning laundry. Nowadays, I cook, I keep a clean house, I take care of the kids very well, my desk space at work and home is much better. I'm great with keeping track of my finances and budgeting. My car's a bit of a mess...as a result, I'll give myself an A-minus.
FINANCES: Things are getting better. I've managed to get on a credit plan and the upcoming move will be helpful. But I'm still paying out more than I'm taking in, paying a mortage and rent at the same time. Plus, the divorce unresolved leaves my financial future still up in the air.
Bottom line: D plus (up from six months ago)
CAREER: At work, things are better than ever. I'm traveling, being used for good writing assignments, taking on new challenges, and no longer have to deal with Evil Anne, so I like everyone I work with. So I'd give myself an A there.
But on the more creative front, I'd say it's a mixed bag. Finances have forced me to do more directing for theater, and that took away my focus on marketing my novels. But truthfully, it's bigger than that: it's that, plus the move, plus the adjustment, plus the falling in love. I have made strides these past few months--purchasing a good computer has improved my work space at home immeasureably, and I really think posting Late Night has been a good idea (because I'm really grateful for all the support I've gotten, which is really motivating me), and I have gotten back to writing on a consistent basis. However, I still think I should be taking a look at what my writing habits consist of: am I spending most of my time advancing my career? Should I be cutting down on posting on Live Journal? Where is my focus, and what is taking away from that focus?
Bottom line on this aspect: D. I really need to improve my focus in this area.
SPIRITUALITY: Ah, I give myself low marks on the religion thing, but higher marks than ever before on helping my community. I like the work I've been doing with the Mediation Center and want to do more of it.
Bottom Line: B minus.
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