Three new Phils added to "Cream Team"! Llandfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrudrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Wales -- Adding to an already star-studded lineup, three additional celebrity Phils have lent their support to the "Phil Me Up" mall-fertilization campaign. Announced at a press conference today was the addition of producer/genius Phil Ramone, hair rocker (or at least, he was in a noted hair band) Phil Collen from Def Leppard, and baseball Hall of Famer, the "Little Scooter" himself, Phil Rizzuto.
"We haven't had many hits lately," explained Phil Collen when asked why he chose to join the campaign, "So I saw this as a pathetic way to grab one last moment in the spotlight."
Corporate sponsors for the In Vitro fertilization coalition and Oscar Meyer (who have donated the use of their Weinermobile for the tour) were quick to point out that they are furiously looking to find some famous Phil out there who might lend their support to the tour who is actually somewhat attractive. This comes in response to concerns that very few women would actually desire to bear a child who even came remotely close to looking like, say, Dr.Phil.
Dr. Phil, who is serving as a headliner for the "Phil Me Up" tour, was quick to respond to the criticism in an unusually tactful fashion. "Look, " he snarled like a rabid pit bull with a bleeding gonad, "I can only save so many people with my show. There's only one of me to go around. But if I impregnate a number of women through this mall thing, then there'll be hundreds of me, shouting at people in living rooms across the country! I mean, seriously, which would you rather have staring up at you at the dinner table--a pretty face or me? Wait. Don't answer that..."
In related news, plans for the redesign of the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile (now renamed the 'Spunkmobile') will be unveiled later on in the week..
(Source, Associated Press)
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