The Purity Code?

[tedwords]

 

This morning, as we arrived home from our morning breakfast run, there was a package waiting for me. 

Not a surprise. We always have packages waiting for us. With Corb's lighting business, there's always a continuous flow of shades and lamps and nuts and bolts and gadgets galore coming our way. And since I am the one responsible for stocking the locations with book items, both antique Oz and otherwise, I get my fair share of packages, as well. So, I thought nothing of it. 

"I need some room for the operation," I mentioned to Corb, as I placed the package on the kitchen counter and extracted a pair of scissors. And then, with a snip snip here and a snip snip here, the patient had been delivered. "There we go...one Miss Peregrine in good condition...one missing the dust jacket and with a warped spine, and...hmmmm, what's this?"

I held up a thin book up that had been wedged between the two hardcovers. "Accept  Nothing Less," I said, reading aloud the title. "God's best for your body, mind and heart." Intrigued, I flipped the book over to the back cover. "If you're like most teens, you have serious questions about relationships and sex." I paused for a minute, to consider. "Am I still a teen boy?" 

At that moment, Corb had a loud choking fit as he choked on a piece of food. At least, I think that was what was going on. "No Ted," he said, after the choking had subsided. "You are no longer a teen boy." 

"I just knew that ship had sailed." I shook my head, as I scanned through the rest of the back cover. "Oh, look! This book will tell me all about how far is too far, and whether self-stimulation is wrong. It will also answer the burning question, what does God think of homosexuality?"

"Sounds like must reading to me," said Corb. 

"I wonder why I received this book?" I mused, as I placed it on the counter and started to move the box it had arrived in into the mud room for recycling. "I guess it could simply have been a mistake, but this seems like an awfully provocative mistake to make. Was it because I ordered Miss Peregrine and they thought I might be someone who would benefit from this?" 

"Could be," said Corb, returning to working on the lighting fixture that hung from our kitchen table. 

But on that note, does anyone really 'deserve' straightforward, Bible based information on the subject of sex? A lot of the punishments involve death or being burned alive, as I recall. If you were guilty of spilling your seed, it was considered a temporary ceremonial impurity requiring ritual washing before entering sacred spaces. Honestly, I don't plan to enter any sacred spaces in the near future (although it all depends on what your definition of a sacred space is, I suppose) and I don't really wish to be burned alive any time in the near future.

I guess my point is, if I were looking for answers to questions about relationships and sex, not to be offensive, but I think I would turn to something more reliable than a dusty two thousand-year-old book that says sexual relations with a woman and her mother is punishable by burning. I am really not an advocate of sexual relation among relations, but burning does seem a bit extreme.  Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm crazy. I certainly am not going to get my advice to the question of what God thinks about homosexuality from some dude's interpretation of what's on the Big Guy's mind. How on earth would he have any understanding of that?

My feeling? God (or whatever) cares little about the subject of homosexuality. He's got far bigger things to think about and probably hasn't thought about our dusty little planet for many, many lifetimes. And if THEY have, it's probably more along the lines of "Why are these silly creatures so hateful and judgmental of each other? Where did I go wrong?" 

In any event, I will be asking the seller why on earth they sent me this book. And looking for a rebate. 

Comments

[armiphlage]

Can you complain to the platform that they sent you teen sex books instead of the wholesome works you had ordered, and get them banned?

[tedwords]

Such a good suggestion! I mean, why are they pushing their agenda onto wholesome little old me?

[fbhjr]

Maybe it's one of those cursed books that can only be given away by someone to accepts it. Since you accepted the package, it will haunt you until you find someone who will take it willingly from you...
I suggest a joke gift.

[tedwords]

Oh no, not the cursed book! Eeek! Perfect for this time of year.

I have put it in our Skanky Swap pile.