Christmas eve, 2011

The trip to my parents on Christmas eve is over, this year a little emptier with the absence of two dear friends (my parents' friend Cathy, who died of cancer, always a familar face at Christmas. Her companion Jim chose to visit his relatives in New York rather than relive the past, this year.)

On the other hand, richer with the addition of Kaeden. Baby's first Chrismas, and life's rich pageant. Yes, he is adorable.

Now Corb and I are back at the Homestead, at Josie's, sleeping over. The one night of the year I sleep over the old house I lived in for so many years. Both on couches, of course. Not as comfortable as our bed, but I'm used to couches. I'll keep the Christmas tree on as I sleep, with all the wrapped presents waiting to be opened tomorrow morning.

Corb is snoring, Josie is asleep in our old bedroom. I'm here typing, on Josie's keyboard, which could never accomodate my hunt and peck style of typing at a hundred miles an hour. As a result, letters get skipped. That always irritated me.

I tried to get to sleep about thirty minutes ago. Felt a little sad, so I had to get up. Start typing.

Sad, remembering the past. So may ghosts here. Memories from years ago.

Sad, thinking of the future. How any more Christmases will we spend like this? I like these nights, don't want to see them go. But with Ashes heading off to college next year...

Things will change. I'm a sentimental slob. I like the feeling of these traditions. And I love the people in my life, every one of them.

(no subject)

"Can we watch Gossip Girl in here? It's too dark in my room."

Corb frowned. "I don't want to watch Gossip Girl right now. Or ever."

Ashes sighed. "Please? I don't like watching it alone in room. It's so dark in there. And you're hogging the TV"

I walked out of the kitchen, where I was cleaning dishes, trying to be the peacemaker. "You want to watch Gossip Girl with me, hun? I'll watch it with you in your room."

Ashes shook her head. "No, I don't want to watch it in there. Too depressing. No overhead light."

Am I a freak, or what? Here's what I'm hearing from this conversation: It's not the lighting in the room, per se. What it is is that it's Christmas night, she's a senior in high school, she doesn't have many friends or anyone she can share stuff with, and she wants to interact with someone. Even if it's just her dad and Corb.

When she came home, she immediately made a video about what she got for Christmas. Is it me, or is part of the reason that she did that was that she just wanted to share her haul with someone?

It makes me sad, and I'm not sure if I'm misreading it or not, but that's my gut reaction. So, although she turned down for Gossip Girl, I made her promise we'd watch something together later on, after Doctor Who.

I so want Ashes to have a happy life. But am I just worrying about something I shouldn't be worrying about?