Follow the Money.

"Ted, look at this," said Corb, as we were standing in line at the grocery store, scoring our weekly fix to satisfy our shameful addiction to food.

"Hold on, hold on," I grumbled. "I'm busy."

"Doing what?" Corb gave the cashier a strange look, possibly a plea for sympathy. "You're just staring at the register."

"Exactly," I said. "Do you know how much money you save by staring at the cash register?"

Now Corb really did appear confused. "What what what?"

Really, it was painfully obvious. Foolish Corb. "If you take your eyes off the cash register, it thinks you don't care how much you spend. So, you spend more. But if you keep your eyes on the register, the cash register knows you mean business, and you can save a lot of money."

"Oh really?" For some reason, Corb sounded doubtful. "So it doesn't matter how much you buy, just whether you look at the register or not?"

My God, what foolish questions this boy asks! "Of course it matters how much you buy," I replied, using my most serious tone to show him I wasn't a COMPLETE idiot. "It just gives you a money-saving edge, that's all."

Corb shook his head. "You really should write a book of household tips. Think of the money people would save!"

You know, I think he's right about that one.

Did you know that the Liberty Bell cracked the first time they tested it in Philadelphia, in the summer of 1752? Pretty fitting, I think, because really, most Americans are slightly cracked, when you get right down to it, in some way and shape.