(no subject)

It hit me as I was walking down to the cafeteria for lunch: I'm at the happiest point that I've ever been in in my life.

I know, it's probably nauseating to hear. (Who wants to read about someone being HAPPY, for God's sake?) But when I think about how I was feeling and looking at life just a few years ago, and also, the terminal state of angst that I've been chronicling for well over two years, it's just nice to have finally reached an oasis where I can finally look back and say, "You know what? It was worth it."

And best of all, not to have lost as much as I feared in the process. I still have a relatively happy, healthy relationship with my kids. In fact, in some ways, its even better than it ever was, especially with Ashley, because I don't feel half as angry as I used to. And plus, I'm a much more responsible person, able to cook, clean, iron, and do all those things that my Nana had incorrectly programmed me to believe were things that "only" women worried about. My relationship with Josie, while not as harmonious as I thought it was at one point, is still pretty good, and that's a huge relief, especially after all the good things that she's given me through the years. And I've got someone that I really, really care about.

Last night, Corb forced me to do something that I haven't done in quite a while: go to bed before midnight. And I have to say, I feel clearer and more awake than I have in quite a while. Last night we went out to eat with his Mom and Grandmom. Tonight he's coming over for dinner with the kids. This weekend, we're going to Boston for the Ghost tour on Saturday, and then taking the kids apple picking in New Hampshire on Sunday.

Part of me waits for the next shoe to drop, and it's certain that there will be difficult times ahead, as Josie and I start to sort out the entire divorce situation. But right now, I'm just enjoying where I am right now.

PS: I'm taking the digital camera home today to take photos of my kitty, for those who have been asking!

(no subject)

If Howard Stern's switching to satellite radio, then I am definitely signing up, coming 2006. No question here...I couldn't drive to work in the morning without him!

Still fascinated with Smile . I can't bring it to work however--too hypnotic. I literally fall into a trance as I listen to it. I realize now that the elements are all represented, with Earth represented in "Vega-Tables," Fire in "Mrs. O'Leary's Cow," Wind in "Wind Chimes," Water in "In Blue Hawaii" (which was originally "cool Clear Water," and before that, was proposed as a Coke jingle). Is the fifth element "Good Vibrations"? I suspect so. It's a great way to end the album, although oddly enough, the song was not written by Van Dyke Parks. In fact, Van Dyke Parks and Brian Wilson have really only written two "hit" songs together (and I use that term very loosely)--"Heroes and Villains" and the incredible "Sail On Sailor" (one of the greatest pop songs ever written, which Wilson came up with while lying in bed, and Van Dyke recorded, unbeknownst to Brian).

What would have been interesting would have been to have used portions of the old tracks with the new studio tracks. Having young Brian's voice morph into old Brian would have been entirely fitting, giving the trippy, acid feel of this work of art.

Okay, anyway...interesting debates last night. What amazes me is that Edwards appears so young and vibrant, Cheney, old and grumpy...yet the two men are only 12 years apart in age. Weird. I have to believe that the appearance of youth and vitality will win out.