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Asparagus redux
Nov. 1st, 2002 11:43 amIn Cincinnati. Slept late this morning. This has been an amazing trip. I am leaving her with a renewed sense of purpose.
Josie's recent posts have been amazing to me. They have made me realize that I've missed the boat on a lot of things.
I feel bad that I spent so many years obsessing over Steven, and I'm so grateful that I have finally put that bad baby to rest this past year, once and for all. This, at least, has been one burden that I gladly have lain to rest. In fact, so much so, that I sent out the following note to him today. This is really all I need to say on the subject, but I'm so glad that I finally was able to say it:
Steven:
Just dropping my annual quick note to say "hi" and "hope things are going well."
Not sure where you are, but I hope you're having fun. I'm currently writing this from Ohio, where I'm working on writing an article. Unfortunately, last night, I had a bit too much fun and I'm paying for it today. Oh, my aching head...
I guess the main reason for writing this is to let you know that this has been an interesting period of time for me. Things actually reached a huge head last year and I realized that I really needed to get my act together. So I started looking for help, and have been able to come to grips with a few things, which has afforded me a greater sense of acceptance and peace.
During my therapy sessions, we did talk about you--and our relationship as kids--for a bit, and I guess I just wanted to let you know that you were right--we really were not very good friends at all. I was looking for something that just wasn't there. I have always been mawkishly oversentimental about the whole thing, which was foolish. Therapy has afforded me the perspective to realize that I was far too clingy and emotional, and you were just...well, just mean, quite frankly. You were even mean during your visit three years ago, but I was too blind to see it at the time. But I'm certain there are reasons that you are the way you are and there were certainly reasons that I acted the way I did. And I can accept that and finally let it go. I think the only thing I still wish is that I had allowed myself the opportunity to make friends with someone who might have been a little bit more understanding and supportive, and afforded me the ability to sort through all this at a younger age. But. C'est la vie. That's what today is for.
I'm sure you're thinking that this is entirely unnnecessary, but I don't think I was completely honest with you during your visit and just wanted to make peace with things once and for all.
I truly hope that things are going well for you, because this past year couldn't have been easy. I hope that you have supportive friends who have helped you through it. You have a lot of things going for you, and so do I, at last, because I finally allowed myself to develop the strength to spread my wings and take flight.
Take care of yourself, Steve! This old scarecrow wishes you only the best!
Josie's recent posts have been amazing to me. They have made me realize that I've missed the boat on a lot of things.
I feel bad that I spent so many years obsessing over Steven, and I'm so grateful that I have finally put that bad baby to rest this past year, once and for all. This, at least, has been one burden that I gladly have lain to rest. In fact, so much so, that I sent out the following note to him today. This is really all I need to say on the subject, but I'm so glad that I finally was able to say it:
Steven:
Just dropping my annual quick note to say "hi" and "hope things are going well."
Not sure where you are, but I hope you're having fun. I'm currently writing this from Ohio, where I'm working on writing an article. Unfortunately, last night, I had a bit too much fun and I'm paying for it today. Oh, my aching head...
I guess the main reason for writing this is to let you know that this has been an interesting period of time for me. Things actually reached a huge head last year and I realized that I really needed to get my act together. So I started looking for help, and have been able to come to grips with a few things, which has afforded me a greater sense of acceptance and peace.
During my therapy sessions, we did talk about you--and our relationship as kids--for a bit, and I guess I just wanted to let you know that you were right--we really were not very good friends at all. I was looking for something that just wasn't there. I have always been mawkishly oversentimental about the whole thing, which was foolish. Therapy has afforded me the perspective to realize that I was far too clingy and emotional, and you were just...well, just mean, quite frankly. You were even mean during your visit three years ago, but I was too blind to see it at the time. But I'm certain there are reasons that you are the way you are and there were certainly reasons that I acted the way I did. And I can accept that and finally let it go. I think the only thing I still wish is that I had allowed myself the opportunity to make friends with someone who might have been a little bit more understanding and supportive, and afforded me the ability to sort through all this at a younger age. But. C'est la vie. That's what today is for.
I'm sure you're thinking that this is entirely unnnecessary, but I don't think I was completely honest with you during your visit and just wanted to make peace with things once and for all.
I truly hope that things are going well for you, because this past year couldn't have been easy. I hope that you have supportive friends who have helped you through it. You have a lot of things going for you, and so do I, at last, because I finally allowed myself to develop the strength to spread my wings and take flight.
Take care of yourself, Steve! This old scarecrow wishes you only the best!
