Swell.

[tedwords]

"Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice." Ethel Merman

As we were treasure hunting this afternoon, I happened upon the autobiography of Ethel Merman. 

I am sure that was the direct result of last evening's adventure in musicale merde (There's No Business Like Show Business), but the novel called to me with a siren song. Or at least, that weird yodeling trumpet sound that was so distinctly Ethel.

Years ago, I read somewhere that Ethel had a short horrible marriage to Ernest Borgnine and in her autobiography, included a chapter called "my marriage to Ernest B," which consisted entirely of one blank page. One blank page! 

The story amused me, so of course, I had to buy the book to see if it was true. Sure enough, yes.

What a genius way to get the last laugh on a rocky relationship. 

I am pretty sure we all have a few one blank pagers in our lives, right? I just hope I am not on the short list for too many people.

Of course, to earn such a one-page blank review, one must be at least significant enough to warrant such a dishonor. You would not bestow it upon someone who cut you off on the highway or flipped you off because you grabbed the last can of dog food at the supermarket. 

These days, I am not sure who I would honor with a one page blank review. 

There have been people in the past, but I have mostly mended fences with them. For years I held a grudge against the former president of Eldredge Community Theater, who I had been friends in high school and had fallen out with, to the extent that when I took over as president he threw the keys to the theater at me and stormed off. He also told me I shouldn't marry Josie, because she was "Just a fuck." And, he made an "artistic statement" one time during a house speech by throwing folding chairs across the stage while I delivered it. Those were shitty things, I thought. 

He used to say in high school, "I won't be alive when I am 40." When his 40th birthday came around, I was really tempted to call him up and say one thing: "Aren't you dead yet?" I didn't. 

Still, in recent years we have sort of mended fences. I saw him the other day at a show--with Josie--and even tried patting him on the back at the end. 

I think the closest still might be Lippy, who was someone I worked closely with and who tried to screw me over with the boss. This was during my separation years with Josie and I had gotten high for the first time ever the night before and I kind of lost my shit with her. We spent the last six months of our working relationship ignoring each other. But with every passing year, Lippy's meaning in my life becomes more and more meaningless. 

Better to have no need for blank pages in your life, I suppose. Certainly, I never had any marriages warranting blank pages.

Better to have pages and pages of things to say about the people in your life, I think. And if fate is kind, with a little luck, most of the words on the pages are good ones.