tedwords

"What fools these mortals be..."

[Typed while on the way to Barbados]

Retail, as they say, isn’t easy, and while Corb loves owning his own business, from the perspective of one who loves and adores him, I think the biggest challenge with dealing with the public is the fact that you have to...well, deal with the public. They come in all shapes and sizes, and unfortunately, one of those sizes is crazy.

Take, for example, the events of last Friday afternoon. I had been in the office for the entire week, and at around five in the afternoon, just dying for Corb to pick me up. It had been a long week, involving quite a bit of travel and an overnight in Boston for a Satellite Media Tour, and with practically everyone else in the building long gone, I was more than ready to call it a day, although I knew Corb worked until 530, and wouldn’t be there til six, meaning my Friday night martini was going to be a while. Man, we really do need to get a second car one of these days.

And then I received his text message:

Something bad happened. Going to be a lot later than six.

WHA? What’s going on? I went into mildly frantic mode, and immediately called him up. He picked up on the first ring. “Can’t talk now.”

“What’s going on?”

“Customer freaked out on us. Police are here. Have to talk to them.”

“Are you–”

“I’m fine.” That was all I got out of him.

Oh lovely, stuck in the office all alone for god knows how long. In solace, I called my sister Kerrie.

She picked up right away. I never call her on a Friday night. “Everything okay?”

“I think so. There was an incident at Corb’s work and–”

Then the phone call died. Turns out my company cuts off all connections at six.

And there I was, having just told my sister Corb had an incident at work and leaving her hanging. Resiged, I packed up my stuff, threw on my coat and walked to the front lobby to call her back.

I discovered the only way I could call her was outside of the building. I also quickly discovered it was cold and snowy outside. That was also when I discovered I was locked out of the front lobby, Damn security.

Fortunately, my sis refused to get off the phone with me until Corb arrived to pick me up. Which he did, one hour later.

Warming my fingers by the heater, I looked up at him and tried to melt back to normal. “Okay, what happened? Spill it.”

He laughed. “The whole thing took place over a baby doll carriage.”

I flashed him a look. “Do you remember the wagon that sold at the shop last week?”

I thought back. “Was that the one that sold for some ridiculous amount?

“Fifteen hundred dollars. That goddamn carriage sold for fifteen hundred dollars. Anyway, the guy that bought it was this older man. In his sixties. Always acted nice, but there always seemed something off to me. He owns another antique store in another town. And he came back today insisting Britney promised him a baby doll carriage for free if he bought the wagon.”

Hmmm. “Brittney giving something away for free? That doesn’t sound like her.”

“Especially because it’s owned by another vendor! There is no way she would just give it away. Anyway, he came in today, last customer there, and insists she did, only Brittany wasn’t there, so Tara was left to deal, and I was just about to leave with my Mom. Only, his voice kept getting angrier and louder, and I could tell something was up. So I stuck around to see what might happen, and glad I did, because all of a sudden he freaks out and hits Tara.”

“Hits–”

“Yep! And I kind of went into Hulk mode and stepped between them, and I said, ‘That’s enough of that.’ And the guy got even angrier and swung to hit me. He missed, but he started saying weird stuff about ‘You don’t know who you’re dealing with,’ and he was going to hire some friends to trash the place and teach us a lesson. And then he went over to one of my tables and tried to knock it over!”

“Did he-?”

“And that’s when I learned how sturdy my table was...”

I smirked. “Good thing you build sets and know how stupid actors can be.”

“Yep. But it got him angrier. So he started to try and break one of my chandeliers by throwing things at it. At that point, I said, ‘that’s enough of that,’ grabbed him in a headlock and started moving him out of the store. He was screaming and hitting me, and when I got him out, he tried to run in again. The manager Jean, who is this 65-year-old lady, got in his way. He punched her in the face twice, then pushed her into the wall.”

“Was anyone calling the police?”

“Tara was. He didn’t believe her. He was laughing like a crazy evil person and calling me a fat fuck and telling us go ahead, call the police, I don’t care. And then, when he realized we were serious, we were on the phone with the cops, he turned around and started running to his truck…which, by the way, was one of those dumb Trumpy ones with a big American flag stuck out of the back. So, he tried to flee and the police caught up with him five minutes later. He’s in jail, because assaulting someone over 60 is an automatic felony in Mass.”

I look over at him, proudly, “Corb, you were a hero!”

He smiled, embarrassed, “They kept saying that at work.”

“And all over a baby doll carriage.”

“All over a baby doll carriage. The police said this guy has a history of assault, so it’s not the first time. Anyway I hope he spends the weekend in jail and we never see him again.”

Cut to: Well, the baby doll carriage creep was let go the very next day, and talking to another store owner about how the “two dykes at Shiplap” tried to rip him off and he stood up to them. But so far, he hasn’t returned, although I suspect it’s only a matter of time. Another fun day in retail huh?

Working with the public can be a real chore, that’s for sure. But sometimes, you can be a hero and save the day. Oh, and PS: our vacation starts TODAY. Barbados, here we come.