This just in...

[tedwords]

Dr. Phil will be impregnating women at a local mall near you!

According to the self-help guru, the only thing better than a dose of "tough love" is a "healthy hunk of my love." "Or at least, a hunk of ma spunk," he added with a sickening grin.

According to sources close to the syndicated talk-show host, Dr. Phil has agreed to serve as the "headline" act in a new campaign designed to promote the use of in vitro fertilization. Entitled the "Phil Me Up" tour, fertility clinics across the country will be partnering with Oscar Meyer (which has donated the use of the Weinermobile) to offer female mall patrons the opportunity to "hop on board" and select a famous Phil as the father of their next child.

In addition to Dr. Phil, Phil Donahue also has agreed to donate a smattering of his sperm ("It was actually found on Marlo's dress," he happily babbled. "Talk about a Monica Lewinski! But hey, if it's for a good cause, I'm more than happy to do my share!" ). In addition, sperm samples from the late comedian Phil Hartman have also been located, as well as hockey great Phil Esposito and rockers Phil Specter and Phil Collins.

Look for the newly renamed "Spunkmobile" at a store near you--and remember, supplies are limited...unfortunately, not everyone will be able to get their Phil...

(source, Associated Press)